


facing fears

by TheEbonHawk



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Force Visions, Korriban, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Kissing, The Dark Side of the Force, Yikes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 20:58:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12992388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEbonHawk/pseuds/TheEbonHawk
Summary: Also known as "the once where Atton tells fake!Revan to fuck off."-“Jaq.” Revan’s voice was quiet with an undercurrent of menace. “It’s been a long time.”





	facing fears

Atton had never intended on going in the tomb: he’d been planning to wait outside for her, be here for her when she got back. That was all.

But he could feel her distress from out here. He’d known she’d have to face some scary shit - he’d been warned about Force visions, about going to places with high concentrations of force energy, or dealing with Jedi who were good at illusions. It had seemed to be a thing with Revan, and she didn’t want her assassins getting caught up in it while they were trailing targets.

The idea didn’t appeal to him. But he could feel himself inching farther into the tomb anyway.

Supposedly, Meetra had to face this alone. But he’d never really cared for Jedi rules or even the will of the Force, if such a thing existed. He cared about  _ her _ , and all he really knew right now was her fear was freaking him out.

Damn. It was probably a stupid thing to do. He did it anyway.

-

At every step he knew he should turn back. He wasn’t fucking prepared for hyper-realistic nightmare tests. And if he saw  _ her _ , he was going to flip out. 

He got enough of her in his nightmares. Sometimes when he looked at Meetra he remembered. He wanted to  _ forget,  _ had been trying to forget, but in a way it was good he hadn’t. If he had, he’d be alone on Nar Shaddaa, trying to forget the rest too. 

His footsteps echoed quietly off the tomb walls. The sound was creeping him out, just like everything in this place. He tried to track Meetra, but the deeper he got the less he could sense her, or anything except the darkness.

Yeah, he should probably leave.

He turned, intending to head out or at least backtrack, but he wasn’t alone anymore. In front of him stood a figure in a dark cloak - as she came closer, he could see her face through the shadows.

Force. Holy fucking hells.

“Jaq.” Revan’s voice was quiet with an undercurrent of menace. She didn’t sound like an evil, traitorous witch - at least, not to him. But her quiet was frightening. “It’s been a long time.”

Atton sighed, pulling himself together. Well, this sucked, but. He had to move on. “Yeah, you’re not real. Fuck off.”

She laughed. Just a cut-off breath of a laugh, but the sound was addicting, like her presence had been when he’d been around her. Magnetic. Like Meetra. 

“You think you’re so smart, don’t you, Jaq?” She circled closer, her icy eyes on his. “Why’d you run away? You did your job so  _ well. _ ”

Atton narrowed his eyes. She definitely fucking looked real, but that didn’t mean much. It meant this place was messing with him, and he didn’t like it. But it didn’t mean she was here, or that he had to stand around and listen to this.

He turned around again. He didn’t want to try and pass her, figured he’d move on instead. He started to head deeper into the tomb. 

“She won’t forgive you, you know.”

He stopped. No. No, he wasn’t gonna argue with his demons out loud in the middle of some shitty tomb on Korriban. Not when Meetra was around here somewhere, dealing with demons of her own. He just had to ignore it. Play pazaak. Keep moving.

“She hasn’t forgiven me. And I was her friend. She’s loved me since we were kids. What were you to her, before she learned about what you’ve done?”

He sighed. Turned around. Still playing, even though he was pretty sure a vision couldn’t read his mind. It helped. It helped not to think too much. “I don’t know, her toy? That what you want me to say? Will you go away if I say terrible things about myself and ‘admit the horrible truth’ or whatever?”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Is it the truth?”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, there’s no way I’m doing this.” He began to walk away again, but Revan appeared in front of them, and he halted real quick. Surely he could just walk past her? But if he couldn’t, he didn’t really want to find out.

“You can’t run from your past, Jaq. Even if she did forgive you, it wouldn’t change what you are.”

He could feel his eyes burning at he looked at the vision. He’d never wanted to kill Revan like he’d wanted to kill other Jedi, but now he was kinda thinking about it. “So what am I?”

Revan smirked at him, her eyes drawing him in like a snare. “You’re mine. No matter where you go, you’ll  _ always  _ be mine.”

Atton swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. Had to clench his shaking hands to still them. 

The thought had occurred to him. That he could never really escape Revan’s hands, her influence, that she would always be lurking somewhere in his head. Apparently that was still somewhat true, at least.

But no. There was a difference between a memory and reality. “You’re wrong. I’m mine. Just mine.”

She stared at him for a long moment, considering. Then she shook her head and sighed. She was still smiling, just slightly, but there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. “You should be dead, Jaq. We should both be dead. We’re no good to anybody.” 

He laughed. This tomb was weak if it thought parroting his own worst thoughts could get him to break. He’d dealt with this shit for  _ years.  _ “Wrong again, ‘my lord’. There’s no ‘should be’ about this. I’m alive. I’m going keep being alive and see where it gets me. And as for good? If I can be good to her, that’ll be enough.” 

He finally brushed past her - avoiding her form though it might be thin air for all he knew, and going around her to continue on. She did nothing, said nothing, and the only consequence was a slight burning sensation in his mind, like a side effect of the dark energy he was walking through. He walked away from her again, not looking back as he threw back his last word.

“And by the way? My name is Atton.”

-

Atton sighed in relief as he felt Meetra’s hand rest on his shoulder. “You found me. This damn cave was really beginning to fuck with my head.” He turned to face her, smiling, but froze when he saw her. She was looking at him with dead eyes. 

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Her shoto was in her hand - not activated, and held loosely, but he could feel it. She was hyper aware of the weapon, her aura prickling with aggression. It was how a Jedi felt when they were about to start a fight, or just kill something. “Atton, I’ve been thinking.”

He smirked, trying to bury his nerves. “Bad idea, sweetheart.”

Her eyes snapped to his, lethal and unamused. They were usually so full of light, but now they were dull, like someone had broken her. His handed tightened into a fist. He’d  _ kill  _ whatever bastard hurt her, even they were just some vision. 

“Here’s the thing, Atton. I hate you.”

He held back a sigh. Don’t get upset. Play pazaak. It doesn’t matter. “Hells, Meetra, I know that already. Seriously, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

She sighed and activated her shoto, unconcerned as he jumped back from her on instinct. “You don’t get it, do you? I hate you. You belong to _her.”_

She moved toward him, crowding him. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to kill her? To make her suffer the way she made  _ me  _ suffer? But she’s not here, is she?”

She reached for him as he backed away and hit the wall, resting her hand on his chin as he put up his hands to hold her off. “You’re the closest I can get to her. The closest I’ve been in years.” 

Her hand snaked around to cup the back of his neck,  and she dropped her eyes from his when she felt him trembling. “After all you’ve done, you’ll deserve it.” She was quiet, like she was trying to convince herself. 

He swallowed. His brain was working rapidly, trying to get him out of this. He knew how to break her hold, how to disarm her, how to kill her first before she could hurt him.

But he didn’t  _ want  _ to kill her, not even to save himself. Not even to save her from what she was doing, from becoming just a bit more like him. And if he fought back but didn’t kill her, if he failed or faltered, he’d be dead.

“Please.” Her lightsaber was humming menacingly, like it couldn’t wait to tear into him as soon as she let it. “Meetra, you don’t want to do this. This place is messing with your head.”

She laughed. Shook her head, but she still didn’t meet his eyes. “Sweetheart, I’m not that easy to corrupt. Unlike some people.” She leaned closer, bringing the shoto in towards his chest. Force, he had to do  _ something.  _ “You shouldn’t beg, anyway. I doubt you ever cared when your victims begged. Aren’t you ready to die by now?”

Maybe he deserved it. Maybe there were worse ways to go. 

Maybe this was why he’d told her in the first place. 

He didn’t answer her, but her blade slid into his chest anyway. He stiffened in shock, head spinning. He didn’t  _ feel  _ anything, couldn’t feel or hear her through the Force, but his mind was full of panic. 

She kissed him lightly, and it was almost sweet. The lightsaber switched off, leaving an emptiness in his chest. “You should’ve killed me in my sleep,” she whispered. Her eyes glittered with tears, but there was finally some light in them again.

He laughed against the fear and the pain as he let his eyes fall closed. “Never.”

But the panic just kept washing over him as his heart kept beating. He couldn’t feel her at all anymore, couldn’t feel anything except his breathing and the back against his wall. After a moment, he realized it probably wasn’t shock.

He opened his eyes. She wasn’t there, and there was no lightsaber wound in his chest. Force, could that  _ all  _ have been a vision? 

He shook, his bravado breaking down completely as terror took over. He had to get out of here,  _ now.  _ And hope to fuck that this wouldn’t end up in his nightmares. 

He stumbled back the way he’d come until he ran into her, and he could tell she was real this time because he felt her concern for him, and her own fear. It crashed into him so hard it hurt, but he welcomed the feeling.

“Atton?” She grabbed his shirt and clung to him, her eyes scanning his face like she was trying to make sure he was real, too. “What happened? Why did you come in here? What did you see?”

He crushed her against his chest, resting his head against her shoulder. “Nothing, sweetheart. Not a damn thing.” He knew he was still shaking, and that she was probably trying to read his thoughts, but he was concentrating on nothing besides how happy he was to see her.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said, and she must have agreed, because she grabbed his arm and quickly led him out.


End file.
